Monday, September 23, 2013

Confessions of a Single Mom

This could also be titled "Confessions of a Single Parent" or "Confessions of a Mom."

I eat my daughter's leftovers.
I drink coffee for my sanity. I drink tea for my health. I drink wine for my soul.
I don't have many really close friends anymore.
I say way more of the things that my mom said when I was young that I NEVER thought I would say.
I smile all the time because I'm happy, but also because I'm insane.
I taught my 3-year-old daughter to sew.
Sometimes, I turn on the t.v. for June so I can take a nap.
I love naps, probably more than any child or adult I know.
I could eat my weight in chocolate. Juniper would fight me for it.
Sometimes, when I say to Juniper, "You're beautiful like Mommy," I don't always mean it.
I long for the day when a man will walk into my life, a good, good man, and step up and be there and sweep me off my feet and build us a house and a family, but I also dread that day because then my magic world where just June and I exist will disappear a little.
I dance in public, usually with Juniper, but sometimes by myself.
I really like taking my daughter grocery shopping, because she is excellent and I get complimented a lot and it makes me feel like the perfect mom, even though I'm far from it.
I have worn children's dress up clothes. Proudly.
Sometimes I rock June to sleep because it's easier than wrestling her to bed.
I always want to go out and have a good time, but even if I'm having a great time, I still wish I was home with June. Always.
I can cook really well, but my daughter prefers pizza. Does this bug me? Yes.
I never go to the bathroom alone anymore.
I work two jobs - one full time, one part time.
I never have enough money for anything.
When I go to the store, if I do happen to have a little 'extra cash,' I consistently buy things for Juniper, even if she doesn't need them. I hardly ever buy nice things for myself.
I usually cut and color my own hair because I can't justify paying that much for a haircut/color.
Sometimes, when I can't parent just like the magazines and the perfect moms on t.v. tell me to, and I know that somewhere down the line, what I'm doing is going to manifest itself psychologically in my daughter's brain, I feel like a failure.
I know I'm not.
I'm a great parent because I love my daughter more than anything, and I would do anything for her. I would go to the ends of the earth for her every single day. I want only good things for her, and I'll do anything I can to bring her those good things.
I'm a great parent.

And you are, too.

Brooke + JuneBug